BSNYC Afternoon Edition: The Afternoon Edition!

Good afternoon!

Post, ride, then post again.  Why didn't I think of this before?  I may have to make a habit of this.

Speaking of this morning's post, Leroy pointed out in the comments thereto that the NYPD is ticketing cyclists on the Manhattan Bridge for not having balls.

Sorry, that should have been for not having bells:

Cops are ticketing cyclists *on the Manhattan Bridge* this morning for not having bells. https://t.co/wT5VxbG8my

— Brooklyn Spoke (@BrooklynSpoke) July 6, 2016

I've got a bell on my Ironic Orange Julius Bike (a.k.a. Son of Scattante)--not because I ever ring it (I don't) but because it's ostensibly my city bike and I wanted to be prepared for just such a crackdown.  However, now that I live in upstate New York City I'm largely spared these sorts of crackdowns (there are fewer cyclists up here and the NYPD seems content to ignore us), and if I do find myself on the Manhattan Bridge I'm usually on a Citi Bike or a Brompton.  Those are also equipped with bells, but obviously if the NYPD were to stop me on the Manhattan Bridge for any reason and I was riding either a Citi Bike or a Brompton I'd just throw it off the bridge and into the pungent waters of the "Big Skanky" below.

Hey, neither bike technically belongs to me, and since the NYPD seems to hate cyclists so much the best course of action is clearly to cease being one on the spot.  And while technically I suppose they could then give me a ticket for walking in the Manhattan Bridge bike lane, I doubt they've ever enforced that rule.  I'm also reasonably sure if I drove an SUV across the Manhattan Bridge bike lane they'd give me a high-five instead of a ticket.

In any case, if you're riding over the Manhattan Bridge this evening and you get stopped for flagrant bell-less riding, all you need to do is quickly download this:

"Ah, you see officer, I do have a bell.  Which do you prefer: desk, or cow?"

You'll be on your way in no time, unless of course they decide to tackle or strangle you.

As for my ride this morning, it was quite pleasant thankyouvermuch, apart from the fact it was brutally hot:

Inasmuch as my Milwaukee is in need of some mechanical attention I haven't gotten around to yet I've been riding (and very much enjoying) my Ritte in the meantime, which is of late equipped with a Brooks C13.  I've been getting along quite well with this, the most Fredly of Brooks's offerings, and because the rivets are not metal they did not sear my scranus as I feared in this morning's post.

Anyway, my default shortish ride is a jaunt into the Westchester suburbs.  I use the Old Croton Aqueduct as my trunk route, and then I detour on and off of it to take in various short, steep climbs I keep in my back pocket.  And on this particular morning the trail was rife with deer:

Here's another that bolted in front of me, with its cute little Bambi offspring just out of frame:

Before moving to the mainland I thought deer were bucolic and so I'd get excited when I saw them, but now I know they're big and stupid and only exist to transmit Lyme disease and occupy the middle ground between rats and squirrels.

Then when I got home I made myself a "recovery" drink.  First, I poured the leftover coffee from the morning over some ice:

I know iced coffee is supposed to be "cold brewed," but either I'm missing something or "cold brewing" is pointless and stupid because to me this tastes just fine.

Then I added some milk:

As well as some hot chocolate powder, because chocolate milk is good for recovery according to "Bicycling" magazine:

I then had the idea to add some seltzer in order to A) rehydrate myself; and B) get a whole egg cream thing going.  But we were all out of seltzer, and so I drank it as it was.

It was pretty damn good.

Then I made a sardine, avocado, and baby spinach sandwich on gluten-free bread.

Now you're totally up to date on what I've been up to, and you're probably also dry-heaving.

Lastly, I was horrified recently to learn that the cycling media is now reviewing e-MTBs like they're regular bikes:

You know, roadies get a lot of crap for being tight-sphinctered, self-absorbed Strava weeneis, but the advent of the e-MTB is proof that mountain bikers are far, far worse.  Sure, we've always known they'll buy anything that promises to make up for the fact that they basically suck at their hobby, which is why mountain bikes have evolved from simple machines into the stupid, ugly, bouncy, overpriced, gimmicky hunks of BS most of the Mountain Freds ride today:

(Why?)

But the fact that any of them are willing to embrace a motor is the ultimate acknowledgement of their profound suckitude and aversion to dues-paying in the pursuit of becoming better cyclists.  And it's all carbon fiber's fault:

According to Lapierre, creating an e-MTB out of carbon was never about weight saving. No, this was all about how its engineers could package the hefty battery and motor in a bid to create an e-MTB that handled more like a regular mountain bike, lowering the bike's centre of gravity and injecting some of the nimbleness that e-MTBs are often a little short of.

In other words, they've run out of gimmicky shit to do with carbon, so all that's left is to figure out how to use it to hide motors.

Maybe I spent too much time at Rivendell, but I find the idea of a motorized bike on which every part moves hydraulically to be utterly nauseating:

Although we only had a brief amount of time aboard the AM700 Carbon, we were certainly impressed by the smooth, consistent operation of Lapierre’s very own 125mm dropper seat post. The lever feels nice and sturdy and is a big enough target to hit when you’re really scrabbling around in a rush to drop your saddle. Although it’s early days, there was no saddle wobble or droop to be seen either which is always a plus.

Is this where we are now, really?  Praising saddles for not wobbling or drooping?

Oy.

And how about that motor?  Well, it's great, except when you're doing a standing start on a loose climb, because you suck so bad you can't even get all the way up a climb on a motorized bicycle:

Power delivery from the Bosch motor is, as we’ve come to expect, pretty smooth as you apply pressure to the pedals and only really tricky to handle from standing starts on loose climbs. This is where you’ll be thankful of the easy to use remote which lets you toggle between the various power modes, all of which are displayed by the rather bulky head unit. For the most part of our short loop though, we struggled to ride in anything other than turbo mode as it’s just that much fun. But let’s focus on the ride characteristics of the bike for a minute though, as that’s the big draw here.

Fuck it, I'm leasing a--

Ah, dammit, too late:

I guess I'll just have to ride one of my primitive rigid bicycles and power it entirely with my own feeble legs.